One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
