And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
