Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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