dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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