I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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