Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
