I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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