For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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