You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
even my farts smell like vagina
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
