We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
