Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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