Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Randomize
