dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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