im six kinds of drunk right now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
