You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
