wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
