Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
