i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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