I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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