My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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