My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
