the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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