At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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