so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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