Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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