is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
