Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
