ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
