someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
