Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
