hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
