dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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