I feel like I'm in dance class right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
