I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
