You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He did a backflip because drugs
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