does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
