you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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