Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
