And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
