did you get engaged???
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
