kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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