Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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