You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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