Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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