So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
