you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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