Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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