So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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