i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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