I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thus making me awesome and them whores
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
