You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize