new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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