Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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