Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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