I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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