i would punch a child for taco bell
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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