i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
