Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
