We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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