im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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