my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize